Skip to main content

The regress before the progress- an honest account

Hello, and long time, no blog!

So this is going to be a very honest account of how my life is currently going, knowing that I jet off to Cape Town in two weeks for life-changing anorexia treatment. TW: There may be mention of BMI.

Over the past 18 weeks or so I have been having weekly 'counselling' as that is all I can be offered to someone with my BMI. I liked my therapist, which was a good thing, however, I'll say it again and again, counselling is really not an effective method for someone with an eating disorder, whether that be anorexia, bulimia, PICA, orthorexia or other eating disorders. It gets you to think about your past life events that may have contributed to your eating disorder but it doesn't actually ever combat the irrational thinking from your eating disorder, or give you any ways to deal with it. So in this sense, my 18 weeks of counselling has been pretty useless to me. :(

Over the past 4 weeks or so, my anorexia has been screaming at me more than ever before on the lead up to my treatment at the start of January. My thinking is completely irrational and the 'Daisy' part of me knows that the thinking is irrational however the 'anorexia' part of me is screaming, insisting that the thoughts that are entering my mind are totally rational and that I should listen to them. Unfortunately, the anorexia voice is very strong at the minute and is kind of taking over, which I know isn't good, but to be quite frank, I'm too exhausted physically and emotionally to fight it right now, meaning that I'm currently losing my battle. (I really hope this changes soon because I need to GET BETTER).

I'm super nervous about treatment and giving over the control of my life to a complete group of strangers, however deep down I know it really is what is best for me, and I will do it, even if it takes all the strength that I have. I've been referred to the treatment centre for 11 weeks and 6 days, so it's going to be a long journey, but a necessary one. Thankfully, I have so much support from my family, my boyfriend, my friends and the online recovery community, so I'm probably a lot calmer than some people who don't feel as though anyone supports them. (which is super sad by the way, and just so you know, I support you! Email me, we can be friends?!)

That's all for now, I just wanted to update you all in case I don't get a chance to before I jet off!

Lots of love,

Daisy May xo

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Skinny Shaming

In today's society, body shaming is such a normal everyday thing, and this really frustrates me because people are just becoming immune to it. Admittedly, 'fat' shaming is more prevalent within society, but recently 'skinny' shaming has been on the rise.   Mostly, I come across 'skinny shaming' online. This is often done through people making comments on social media such as: 'Only dogs eat bones', calling people names such as 'twiggy', telling someone to 'eat a cheeseburger'. If this were the other way round, and people were making comments such as 'only dogs eat meat', or outright calling people fat, there would be absolute outrage from society! , However, for some reason, this is not the case when an individual skinny shames. A lot of people turn a blind eye to it and ignore that comments were ever made and this is SO wrong. Surely if calling someone 'fat' and is classed as a 'hate crime'. then calling so...
4 comments
Read more

A 'quick' intro to me

Who am I? Hello! My name is Daisy, I'm currently 19 years old and studying children's nursing at university. (Hopefully I'll graduate in 2019!) I still feel about 12, but apparently I'm now legally an adult? What is this blog for?  This blog is to help me during my recovery from Anorexia Nervosa (Ana).  On top of this, it's a way for my friends and family to see how I'm doing. It was my drs idea to do a blog as they felt it's something that would help me. This blog will mostly be for my own personal benefit, however if people read it and enjoy it, that's a bonus.  My ED story I'll try not to go into too much detail because there is a lot.  I first personally noticed that I had 'issues' with my eating when I was 15 years old, during year 11. (GCSE year!) I had a tough time as my parents split up out of what seemed like nowhere, therefore completely turning my life upside down. When I noticed that I wasn't feeling phys...
5 comments
Read more

Scary Butterflies

Over the past 2 weeks, I have been lucky enough to go home and see my family! It gave me a lot of time to reflect on my eating habits and my mood in general. Unfortunately, within the first week of being home, I broke up with my boyfriend, which sent my emotions all over the place. However...I am not going to go into detail on that haha. I was able to talk to some close friends about how I was feeling and how I felt as though my mood and eating habits has regressed since the breakup. I was told and ensured that this was a totally expected reaction. This blog post is not about the past two weeks though, they are over and done with so there is no point dwelling on it. :) On Tuesday, I have my assessment for the specialist eating disorder treatment. This is being done in order to see what type of treatment will work best for me. After reading about the place that I am going to and what my options could be, I have managed to scare myself to the point that I get shaky and become over...
4 comments
Read more