Breaking up with Ana

Nobody values your life as much as you do, so don't leave it up to other people to try and fix you. The point at which you get diagnosed with an eating disorder is not your fault, and completely out of your control. However, what is not out of your control is how you go about your healing process. Healing is another process within recovery. When you finish a stage of treatment, or start complying with your GP, it doesn't mean that you'll automatically be healed. Yes you are healing. But you're not healed, so don't put that pressure on yourself.  Saying this, a little bit of pressure on yourself is so important in recovery. Especially when you are in treatment, whether that be outpatient or inpatient. Your team are there to help and guide you and will provide you with the tools that you need to start to overcome your ED, but they can't force you to use those tools. That is down to you. It's your responsibility to do that. Those tools will only tru...

I had a blip. A 3 day blip. Not particularly proud of the blip, kind of blip. But still, I'm here to tell the tale and I'm now okay 😊 I just wanted to make a note of it to remind myself and others that recovery really isn't a straight line, and things can get really tricky. I'm still in a state of mind whereby I feel like I've failed a little bit, but that's because I'm a self confessed perfectionist and control freak when it comes to my recovery. When I was in the depths of anorexia, I always wanted to be the 'perfect anorexic' from the moment I got the label. Now I have been in recovery for a year and a half, I've wanted have the 'perfect recovery'.  Unfortunately this isn't realistic.  My therapist said to me today that most clinicians would be worried if their clients started recovery and never had a blip or a lapse. So I guess my recovery is normal in their eyes?  I don't re...

"When everything feels like an uphill battle, just think of the view from the top" Because your life can be revolved around LIVING and not around food/eating/body image Because life is about so much more than the number of calories on your plate Because you can go out and enjoy social events with friends/family Because you’ll no longer be causing pain to other people, but even more importantly yourself Because having an eating disorder is exhausting, and you need that energy for other things Because you can sit on a chair/ on the floor without being in pain Because your hair and nails will grow super long Because people will stop making comments when you eat  Because people will stop staring  Because you’ll be treated like an adult Because you won’t be cold ALL.THE.TIME Because you’ll be able to concentrate Because you’ll be able to get through university  Because you’ll look and feel alive Because you deserve so much more ...

Cannot believe this day has finally come, but today, I have officially been in recovery for a WHOLE YEAR! It's crazy to think this this time last year, I was on a plane on my way to Cape Town for treatment of an eating disorder that had taken over my life since the age of 15. A year ago, I was super depressed (despite not wanting to admit it, and not letting  it show); underweight; all I thought about 24/7 was food- I was terrified of everything I consumed; exercise had become an addiction, and I was doing it excessively to punish myself; my self confidence was at an all time low, and I was experiencing such self doubt that I was scared to share MY opinions on things, and hid behind everyone else's; I was so manipulative, I hid things from those closest to me, and I started to believe my own lies and on top of all of that, I hated myself. All I knew was that I wanted things to change, but that I needed help, and couldn't do it alone... A year on, thing's still aren...

Who am I? Hello! My name is Daisy, I'm currently 19 years old and studying children's nursing at university. (Hopefully I'll graduate in 2019!) I still feel about 12, but apparently I'm now legally an adult? What is this blog for?  This blog is to help me during my recovery from Anorexia Nervosa (Ana).  On top of this, it's a way for my friends and family to see how I'm doing. It was my drs idea to do a blog as they felt it's something that would help me. This blog will mostly be for my own personal benefit, however if people read it and enjoy it, that's a bonus.  My ED story I'll try not to go into too much detail because there is a lot.  I first personally noticed that I had 'issues' with my eating when I was 15 years old, during year 11. (GCSE year!) I had a tough time as my parents split up out of what seemed like nowhere, therefore completely turning my life upside down. When I noticed that I wasn't feeling phys...