Your healing. Your responsibility.

Nobody values your life as much as you do, so don't leave it up to other people to try and fix you.

The point at which you get diagnosed with an eating disorder is not your fault, and completely out of your control. However, what is not out of your control is how you go about your healing process.

Healing is another process within recovery. When you finish a stage of treatment, or start complying with your GP, it doesn't mean that you'll automatically be healed. Yes you are healing. But you're not healed, so don't put that pressure on yourself. 

Saying this, a little bit of pressure on yourself is so important in recovery. Especially when you are in treatment, whether that be outpatient or inpatient. Your team are there to help and guide you and will provide you with the tools that you need to start to overcome your ED, but they can't force you to use those tools. That is down to you. It's your responsibility to do that. Those tools will only truly work if you want recovery. Thankfully, all the time you are in treatment,  you don't have to take full responsibility as your team have your back, they support you in using the tools and help you along the way. 

However once you've left treatment and/or therapy, that's when the real grind starts. This is what all your hard work has been going towards. There's no guarantee that the pain you felt while your ED was active will magically go away once you're by yourself. If anything, its more likely that the pain and suffering will return as ED's are sneaky shits and find you at your most vulnerable. The key here is to hear what the pain you are feeling is begging of you, without consuming it and using that pain to fuel the unhealthy voice in your head. It's all about feeling the feeling, without becoming the emotion itself.  If you're finding it difficult to look after yourself in recovery, it's about learning to find your inner child. Look after them. They need the LOVE! Also always always play the story through. This is something that has saved my arse so many times recently. If you continue down the path of self destruction, where will this ultimately lead you? I can guarantee it will not take you anywhere nice, or worthwhile. Sooner or later, it'll lead you back to square one, and that's so sad.

If the sun can rise everyday from the darkness, it's a huge reminder that you're able to do that too! Remember your tools, remember why recovery is worth it, remember why YOU are worth it.
You've got this.
I believe in you.

Dais xo