Breaking up with Ana

Nobody values your life as much as you do, so don't leave it up to other people to try and fix you. The point at which you get diagnosed with an eating disorder is not your fault, and completely out of your control. However, what is not out of your control is how you go about your healing process. Healing is another process within recovery. When you finish a stage of treatment, or start complying with your GP, it doesn't mean that you'll automatically be healed. Yes you are healing. But you're not healed, so don't put that pressure on yourself.  Saying this, a little bit of pressure on yourself is so important in recovery. Especially when you are in treatment, whether that be outpatient or inpatient. Your team are there to help and guide you and will provide you with the tools that you need to start to overcome your ED, but they can't force you to use those tools. That is down to you. It's your responsibility to do that. Those tools will only tru...

Friends in recovery are so important, and are really vital in helping you maintain your recovery, but sometimes it can get really suffocating, and difficult.  I remember when I got back from inpatient treatment and joined a new university cohort I vowed to myself that I wouldn't tell my new friends about ED stuff, for the simple reason being, I didn't want to be 'that girl'. However realistically, it couldn't be this way because recovery isn't linear and undoubtedly I was going to struggle. I decided to make it a kind of public thing just to help me stay on track. This really hasn't been an issue at all, and has been really useful knowing that other people are in the know and are understanding. BUT  The further you get into recovery, the less you want it to be a thing. Obviously my recovery isn't perfect and I do sometimes struggle still, but 98% of the time I am able to manage and maintain my recovery without any real interventions.  Re...

I had a blip. A 3 day blip. Not particularly proud of the blip, kind of blip. But still, I'm here to tell the tale and I'm now okay 😊 I just wanted to make a note of it to remind myself and others that recovery really isn't a straight line, and things can get really tricky. I'm still in a state of mind whereby I feel like I've failed a little bit, but that's because I'm a self confessed perfectionist and control freak when it comes to my recovery. When I was in the depths of anorexia, I always wanted to be the 'perfect anorexic' from the moment I got the label. Now I have been in recovery for a year and a half, I've wanted have the 'perfect recovery'.  Unfortunately this isn't realistic.  My therapist said to me today that most clinicians would be worried if their clients started recovery and never had a blip or a lapse. So I guess my recovery is normal in their eyes?  I don't re...

"When everything feels like an uphill battle, just think of the view from the top" Because your life can be revolved around LIVING and not around food/eating/body image Because life is about so much more than the number of calories on your plate Because you can go out and enjoy social events with friends/family Because you’ll no longer be causing pain to other people, but even more importantly yourself Because having an eating disorder is exhausting, and you need that energy for other things Because you can sit on a chair/ on the floor without being in pain Because your hair and nails will grow super long Because people will stop making comments when you eat  Because people will stop staring  Because you’ll be treated like an adult Because you won’t be cold ALL.THE.TIME Because you’ll be able to concentrate Because you’ll be able to get through university  Because you’ll look and feel alive Because you deserve so much more ...