Breaking up with Ana

I had a blip. A 3 day blip. Not particularly proud of the blip, kind of blip. But still, I'm here to tell the tale and I'm now okay 😊 I just wanted to make a note of it to remind myself and others that recovery really isn't a straight line, and things can get really tricky. I'm still in a state of mind whereby I feel like I've failed a little bit, but that's because I'm a self confessed perfectionist and control freak when it comes to my recovery. When I was in the depths of anorexia, I always wanted to be the 'perfect anorexic' from the moment I got the label. Now I have been in recovery for a year and a half, I've wanted have the 'perfect recovery'.  Unfortunately this isn't realistic.  My therapist said to me today that most clinicians would be worried if their clients started recovery and never had a blip or a lapse. So I guess my recovery is normal in their eyes?  I don't re...

So, I've been discharged!! I didn't discharge myself, they discharged me. 😃  This is a huge step in my recovery because last time I was in community treatment, I didn't get officially discharged, so didn't complete treatment; and when I was an inpatient in Cape Town, if I had been in a better financial position, I would have had to stay an extra 2 months. So the fact that I have been formally discharged is incredible, and I am so proud of myself. The last 8/9 months in community treatment really hasn't been easy, I didn't really like my therapist, and felt stuck a lot of the time. However, my therapist must have been doing something a little bit right because honestly, I've never felt ready to leave treatment before, but for the first time ever, I really felt like I needed to leave.  Finishing community treatment has been a really top moment in my life and I've been so excited, but the last few days I've had feelings of being terrif...