Breaking up with Ana

  Through the 12-step program, sobriety = abstinence from your addiction.  Come January 7th, I should technically be "3 years sober". I've been thinking over the past year how comfortable I feel in using the term sober, because I certainly have not abstained from old eating disorder behaviours. I feel as though if I claim to be 3 years sober, it would ultimately be a lie. How can I write about it being okay to have blips and talk about the fact that recovery isn't linear, while at the same time talking about sobriety? It's dishonest and misleading.  I've decided that for me, I no longer want to use the term sober. It doesn't reflect the reality of recovery for me. So for now, 3 years in recovery is how I will approach January 7th. It'll be 3 years since I accepted that I had an eating disorder, 3 years since I started to give up control, and educated myself on the realities of what I was doing to myself and other people. Recovery is so so hard. Especia...

 Hello beautiful humans The end of the year always goes something like this for me: October = Mild panic. It's my birthday in November and usually pictures are taken - best look reasonable for them. November = Pretty decent panic. It's my birthday, pictures will be taken. Do I look okay? have I gained weight from last year? Will people comment on my body? Oh shit it's Christmas next month. December = Major panic. I had photos taken at my birthday, and people will compare them to the pictures from Christmas.* Food. So much food. Lots of people. Stressful family times. Diet talk. Help. This year for sure is turning out no different, apart from the fact that we are in a global pandemic, and lockdown is being re-implemented. So no biggie really 😉.  For me, the added stress at the moment is the fact that people are already panic buying. Around Christmas time is when I like to stick to my safe foods, even if throughout the rest of the year I am relatively relaxed. Safe foods m...