It's literally been an entire year since I last posted on this blog. I guess over the past year, I haven't felt that I have needed to use it in this part of my recovery, and you know what, that's okay!
I thought I would try and give the quickest overview of what the past year of being in recovery has been like, and where I am now.
January-March 2018: So on January 7th, I jetted off to Cape Town, all by myself to begin what would be the start of my real recovery. I was picked up from Cape Town International Airport on the 8th of Jan by the gentleman who helped me find treatment there. I was absolutely exhausted from travelling and was terrified but also excited for the journey I was about to go on! I don't want to say too much about the treatment centre in this post, but let me tell you this, it was a GOD SEND. Everyone there was really lovely, both the other 'inpatients' and the staff. The staff especially were great and the program that they used really worked for me, as it used tough love, and that's what I needed. I learnt a lot about myself and the eating disorder that is anorexia. I learnt coping mechanisms, I found my emotions, I learnt that the issue has never been and will never be the food, but most importantly I started to re-discover the old Daisy, the Daisy who loved life. I am in no way 'cured' by this treatment, but it 100% kick started my recovery and has helped this past year be one of the most FREE years I've had in a long time! I want to do another post more about my treatment at another time, hence the little detail here.
April: During April, all I did was literally just relax at home with my parents and friends. I had to return to uni in June, so spent a lot of time with my family, and packing to move back down to the other side of the country. I followed my meal plan and made sure I was putting my recovery first! Oooh, during this month, I also got a car!
May- I was back down south in May. I spent time with those who had supported me throughout uni in my first year and throughout my treatment and the start of my recovery! While in treatment I stopped drinking alcohol, which meant the times I spent with my friends during May were all really authentic and real! I was able to go to a end of year performing arts ball without feeling horrible about being surrounded by food! I was weirdly relaxed, and felt confident in myself!
June- Early August: I was on placement in a hospital in these three months. I loved it! I was also able to use my voice to advocate for young people who came in with eating disorders. I did struggle a little bit with food and making sure I had enough breaks, but if I'm truly honest, I expected this. This is the same for most student nurses.
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| Stanley (L), Archie (R) |
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| Peggy |
August- Early September: This is what is counted as a nurses summer break, 3 weeks off uni!! I had fun at home, and was able to make positive memories with a lot of people :) I lost one of my dogs, Archie though :( But gained a beautiful new addition to the family Peggy!
September-Early Nov: YAY another placement! This time I was working in the community. This placement was quite a struggle for me. I had this same placement in my first year of uni, and it really triggered a lot of things for me. You could easily get away with not taking a break on this placement, and there was constantly talk of diet and weight loss on this placement too. I don't think I coped very well with this placement, even with strategies in place. Because I was struggling slightly again, I decided to make a GP appointment and get myself referred to some counselling. However I was told that I was too complicated for general counselling and was referred back to the ED service. Terrifying. I was told there that I was no longer 'anorexic' as such because my weight was healthy again and I wasn't continuously acting out on my ED thoughts, however I was given a diagnosis of 'Anorexia Nervosa- In partial remission', and put on a waiting list for treatment. (STILL WAITING NOW)
November-December: I turned 21!! I also got to go home for 2.5 weeks which was lovely! Things have been hard though. I have been attending as many recovery groups as possible, and have been telling some people how I have been feeling. But there are a lot of things I haven't been doing: I've not been mindful when eating, I haven't been having my 3 meals + 3 snacks a day, and I have been obsessing over really insignificant things. I do think I may be in a relapse, but I am trying to combat it. It is just hard when I have no professional support I guess. Although things are tricky at the moment, I cannot stress enough that this year has been a complete WIN for my mental health, and I am so proud of myself for getting my needs met!! Here's to 2019- the year I continue to grow and rediscover myself, and the year where I continue to get help when I feel I need it.
Dais xo
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