Breaking up with Ana

Over the past 2 weeks, I have been lucky enough to go home and see my family! It gave me a lot of time to reflect on my eating habits and my mood in general. Unfortunately, within the first week of being home, I broke up with my boyfriend, which sent my emotions all over the place. However...I am not going to go into detail on that haha. I was able to talk to some close friends about how I was feeling and how I felt as though my mood and eating habits has regressed since the breakup. I was told and ensured that this was a totally expected reaction. This blog post is not about the past two weeks though, they are over and done with so there is no point dwelling on it. :) On Tuesday, I have my assessment for the specialist eating disorder treatment. This is being done in order to see what type of treatment will work best for me. After reading about the place that I am going to and what my options could be, I have managed to scare myself to the point that I get shaky and become over...

So far, I've only really been positive on this blog, but these past 2 weeks haven't been all that groovy, and I'm not going to sit here and tell you that recovery is always easy...because it isn't. Relationships are a funny thing, whether it's a friendship, family relationship, or a romantic relationship. When living with an ED, you often do not realise how toxic you can be within relationships until someone tells you, or you see first hand for yourself. One thing I hate doing is upsetting people or letting people down. However, when your life become controlled by an ED, it is so easily done. As I have mentioned in an earlier post, there are certain personality traits that are common in people who live with Ana, or other ED's. One of these personality traits is that you become obsessed with wanting people to like you. I have this trait, and have done for as long as I can remember, and it can make me very needy. I always seek approval and attention in order to...

I seem to have a small obsession with the stationary shop: Paperchase. I just feel like it's such a magical place, where all of your stationary needs and wishes come true. Over the years I have brought MANY things from Paperchase, and although this is incredibly tragic when it comes to my bank balance...my   rewards card is full of points! Anyways...A few weeks back I went into the magical land of Paperchase  and impulsively bought a meal planning book. It has Llamas on it...LLAMAS! When I got a chance to have a proper look at it, it really motivated me to plan my meals each week to ensure I was eating properly and keeping myself hydrated. So last week, I sat down by myself and wrote myself a meal plan for this week Mon-Fri. Within my plan were loads of healthy meals and snack that I do not feel guilty about eating. I'm now on day 4/5 of preparing meals that I have planned in advance, and I've tried my very hardest to cook my meals from scratch. Most of the meals I have ...

Hello cherubs, I thought I would post really quickly on what is actually quite a big subject. Recently I've been listening to lots of 'TED Talks' to help improve my mood and self awareness. I found this particular video a couple of days ago, and I believe and can relate to every single thing that is said in here. People forget that there are so many more things important than appearance. The only negative I would give on this video is that it only focuses on females, but this is just as relevant to males. Daisy May xo Why thinking you're ugly is bad for you

I never thought I would be doing a book review on this blog, however it seems to have come to this! As I mentioned in my last post, I attend a recovery support group, and at this group they have a collection of books at the back of the room that you can take away, read and return. In February I decided I wanted to take a book away to read that goes by the name of  conquering anorexia  written by Clare Lindsay. The book follows Clare's journey with anorexia and her recovery, discovering the reasons behind her behaviours and finding ways to overcome them. I thought this may be a good book for me to read, to help me understand Ana and the difference between her and myself. I also found that it made me look at my past and possibly the reasons for Ana being part of my life. From reading the book, I found a lot of early behavioural similarities between myself and Clare. I realised that when looking back at my days in primary school that all I wanted, was to be liked and accepte...

In the past, I've tried to 'recover', but have always taken one step forwards and three steps back. However one thing that I have kept going to is an adults eating disorder recovery support group. The group runs once a month and is done so by two facilitators who set the direction of the conversation. There are ground rules at the group that are put in place in order not to trigger anybody. For example: no talk of calories or weight. I remember the night before going for the first time that I went, I was so nervous and really didn't want to go, but deep down inside, I knew I had to. All I could imagine was that scene from 'The Fault in Our Stars' when they're on the support group and they sit literally in the heart of Jesus, sing cheesy songs and quote messages of support in unison that really had no true meaning. However, I was pleasantly surprised when I walked into the room. First of all, I was offered a cup of tea. Tea is the way to my heart, so I a...

Since checking my post box this evening, I realised that my referral for the ED specific therapy has come through. The letter says that I'll have an assessment that will last 2 hours. I'm not really sure what I think of this, as it seems a long time to assess whether or not you qualify for help? However, I am just thankful that this has come through and I'm so excited to see what this next chapter brings. Onwards and upwards!  Daisy May xo