Breaking up with Ana

Full - It hates that word. Whether you're full with emotions, or food It hates it. It cannot stand the sensation of fullness And therefore proceeds to empty you. Empty- A word it thrives on. To the outside world, emptiness is associated with negativity and malnourishment But to it, it's seen as an achievement something to be proud of. Pride - Usually something you fell after doing something well, right? But what if that thing is actually eating away at you slowly? It will do that. It will slowly take away everything that makes you, you. You don't realise and with time you become scared. Fear - A negative emotion. It knows that fear will keep you in it's grasp. Fear of the unknown, fear of imperfection, fear of losing control. It recognises these and pulls you into a fake sense of security. It makes you believe you'll be okay if you just trust it. You won't be though. In order to be truly okay, you need to take control of it. Pu...

On the 20/04/2020, BBC2 aired a program called ‘Horizon’. ‘Horizon’ is a restaurant whereby, and I quote “every calorie eaten must be burned off”. As someone in recovery from Anorexia, I am of course biased in the fact that I think this is disgusting. However, I do feel I have a good reason to feel this way. I spent way too many days in hospital, at appointments and in inpatient settings to just let this go. This program is so so dangerous. It is very easy to say “Just don’t watch the program”, however if you have ever struggled with an eating disorder, you know it is not as easy as that. There is a little piece of your mind that wants to self-destruct, and sometimes it is completely out of your control. I am grateful to be in a position where I managed to distract myself during the evening with other things, but others won’t have been in that position. There are many reasons why this program is absolutely not okay, but the main reason that I will continue to preach until I...

First off, apologies for this going up SO late. I needed to just chill out today and just take some time for myself! On another note - THANK YOU so much for all the support you've been giving me and my friends this week. Although this is the final post in 'this series', and although it is the end of EDAW 2020, awareness is always needed, and people are always suffering, so please keep talking about it.  Supporting a friend with an ED This is one of the tougher topics to approach for me. Friends are so so important in recovery, but with that there needs to be boundaries - to protect both parties. This is something I am still very much still learning about, despite being 2 years into recovery now. It's quite tough. I've been the friend to someone who is struggling, and I've been the one struggling and leaning on a friend, so I understand it from both angles. Libs and Katie - my two BIGGEST supports. Love you x I've spoken to some people in the p...

Hola my sweets! My friend Jack has very generously offered to write a blog post on relapse in ED recovery - which may I add is a very normal thing to go through in recovery, and not something to be ashamed of. I'm very proud of this man! Thank you, Jack!  Recovery Is Far From Linear Relapse. It’s a word dripping with subtext. A word that, to the eyes of the public, comes with connotations of failure, regression and backwards steps. This couldn’t be further from the truth, however. ‘ Recovery isn’t linear ’ – it’s a phrase bandied around every other mental health circle like it’s going out of fashion, but it’s done so with very good reason. It’s true . The phrase is grounded in complete truth and objective fact. Having finished treatment for my eating disorder just over half a year ago, I thought, naively it must be said, that that was that. That I’d had this hurdle in my life, but that it was now firmly in my rear-view mirror. Even when my therapist made the poin...

Hello Hello! So this is a tough one for me. Initially, I made the decision to not involve people's opinions or thought processes on my own sickness and recovery period because I thought it would be too difficult. However, my beautiful mum has written a piece about what it's like to have a child with an ED and her experiences with my recovery journey. Forever grateful for the incredible support of my family. Love you mum x "Hello, I'm Hayley, Daisy's mum.  I wanted to write a bit about what being a mother of a child with anorexia is like. Daisy started with what we thought was asthma at the age of 11 years old. She daily would come in with her hands cupped over her nose and mouth saying, “I can't breathe" Trips to the GP only resulted in giving her a Ventolin inhaler. I used to feel so helpless. It took until she was 15 years old to work out that this wasn't asthma but panic attacks.  Around that time our family broke a part and we her pare...

Disclaimer: I am writing this as someone who lives in the UK, so I cannot comment on treatment options in other countries. Hello! Todays post is focusing on getting help and treatment in the UK. Again, this won't be an overly long post, however I just wanted to be able to signpost people the best that I can! If you want any more information, please look at BEAT's website :) BEAT: BEAT are a UK charity dedicated to helping those suffering with an eating disorder, and those around them too. They have a lot of amazing, disorder specific help and advice on their website , that can really help you understand what you, or someone you know might be going through. They also run online support groups that are tailored to specific age groups, and struggles - these groups got me through a relapse and are so incredible. BEAT also have a help-line(0808 801 0677), a student-line (0808 801 0811) , and a youth-line (0808 801 0711) - I have used all of these lines at some ...

First off, thank you SO much for your support on yesterday's post - you are all incredible humans! Hello beautiful humans! Today's post is going to be focusing on how to cope with an Eating Disorder or recovery from an ED at university. This is something that personally I have had to tackle with, and still have to do on a daily basis - but when I first started uni, there wasn't much support or advice out there. It's not going to be a very long post, because I don't want people to get bored haha, however I have been able to chat with a number of people about their experiences with an ED at university, and they have all GEMS and provided me with some advice to pass on in this post! University can be a prime time for ED's to develop, or come out of their sneaky hiding places. Most students move away from home, meaning that their ED's are given the opportunity to sneak in. Especially when you are cooking for yourself, and not under the watchful eye of ...