Breaking up with Ana

I've been relatively quiet about the governments latest scheme and plan to introduce visible calories  on menus. My mind has been racing, and I think I have felt every negative emotion under the sun; however I've just not been able to write anything that I am happy with or that I believe truly showcases why this whole thing is absurd. I decided to stop trying to write a perfect piece on the absurdity of the situation and just write an honest letter. Dear Boris,  Every time your government has mentioned helping people with their mental health, I've always wondered how much they actually understand the extent of the UK's mental health crisis. I've put my optimistic hat on and chosen to believe that you've done your research and are truly invested in improving our countries mental health. I have never believed however that your government know how to "tackle obesity". They are clearly clueless about the fact that as human beings, we can be 'fat' a...

Happy 12 th (?) week of lockdown! I hope those of you who still read this blog are all keeping well and having a restful time if you haven’t been at work. I honestly thought I would write on here loads, but I really haven’t had that much to say – nothing that is particularly useful for myself or others anyways! I’ve had questions from people about how to deal with the lockdown if you have an eating disorder. The honest answer is that I wish I knew, because I am struggling. So if anybody knows, please message me!! I’ve been fortunate enough to be able to work for about half of lockdown, but other than my beautiful bunny Meredith, I’ve gone home every night to an empty house. There have been days in a row where I haven’t physically had to open my mouth to talk. It’s just been the weirdest thing. I’ve found it really tricky, especially as my normal coping mechanism when my mood gets questionable is to get out the house and see people. I don’t do well living alone. I mean, Meredith lis...

Full - It hates that word. Whether you're full with emotions, or food It hates it. It cannot stand the sensation of fullness And therefore proceeds to empty you. Empty- A word it thrives on. To the outside world, emptiness is associated with negativity and malnourishment But to it, it's seen as an achievement something to be proud of. Pride - Usually something you fell after doing something well, right? But what if that thing is actually eating away at you slowly? It will do that. It will slowly take away everything that makes you, you. You don't realise and with time you become scared. Fear - A negative emotion. It knows that fear will keep you in it's grasp. Fear of the unknown, fear of imperfection, fear of losing control. It recognises these and pulls you into a fake sense of security. It makes you believe you'll be okay if you just trust it. You won't be though. In order to be truly okay, you need to take control of it. Pu...

On the 20/04/2020, BBC2 aired a program called ‘Horizon’. ‘Horizon’ is a restaurant whereby, and I quote “every calorie eaten must be burned off”. As someone in recovery from Anorexia, I am of course biased in the fact that I think this is disgusting. However, I do feel I have a good reason to feel this way. I spent way too many days in hospital, at appointments and in inpatient settings to just let this go. This program is so so dangerous. It is very easy to say “Just don’t watch the program”, however if you have ever struggled with an eating disorder, you know it is not as easy as that. There is a little piece of your mind that wants to self-destruct, and sometimes it is completely out of your control. I am grateful to be in a position where I managed to distract myself during the evening with other things, but others won’t have been in that position. There are many reasons why this program is absolutely not okay, but the main reason that I will continue to preach until I...

First off, apologies for this going up SO late. I needed to just chill out today and just take some time for myself! On another note - THANK YOU so much for all the support you've been giving me and my friends this week. Although this is the final post in 'this series', and although it is the end of EDAW 2020, awareness is always needed, and people are always suffering, so please keep talking about it.  Supporting a friend with an ED This is one of the tougher topics to approach for me. Friends are so so important in recovery, but with that there needs to be boundaries - to protect both parties. This is something I am still very much still learning about, despite being 2 years into recovery now. It's quite tough. I've been the friend to someone who is struggling, and I've been the one struggling and leaning on a friend, so I understand it from both angles. Libs and Katie - my two BIGGEST supports. Love you x I've spoken to some people in the p...

Hola my sweets! My friend Jack has very generously offered to write a blog post on relapse in ED recovery - which may I add is a very normal thing to go through in recovery, and not something to be ashamed of. I'm very proud of this man! Thank you, Jack!  Recovery Is Far From Linear Relapse. It’s a word dripping with subtext. A word that, to the eyes of the public, comes with connotations of failure, regression and backwards steps. This couldn’t be further from the truth, however. ‘ Recovery isn’t linear ’ – it’s a phrase bandied around every other mental health circle like it’s going out of fashion, but it’s done so with very good reason. It’s true . The phrase is grounded in complete truth and objective fact. Having finished treatment for my eating disorder just over half a year ago, I thought, naively it must be said, that that was that. That I’d had this hurdle in my life, but that it was now firmly in my rear-view mirror. Even when my therapist made the poin...

Hello Hello! So this is a tough one for me. Initially, I made the decision to not involve people's opinions or thought processes on my own sickness and recovery period because I thought it would be too difficult. However, my beautiful mum has written a piece about what it's like to have a child with an ED and her experiences with my recovery journey. Forever grateful for the incredible support of my family. Love you mum x "Hello, I'm Hayley, Daisy's mum.  I wanted to write a bit about what being a mother of a child with anorexia is like. Daisy started with what we thought was asthma at the age of 11 years old. She daily would come in with her hands cupped over her nose and mouth saying, “I can't breathe" Trips to the GP only resulted in giving her a Ventolin inhaler. I used to feel so helpless. It took until she was 15 years old to work out that this wasn't asthma but panic attacks.  Around that time our family broke a part and we her pare...