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Scary Butterflies

Over the past 2 weeks, I have been lucky enough to go home and see my family! It gave me a lot of time to reflect on my eating habits and my mood in general. Unfortunately, within the first week of being home, I broke up with my boyfriend, which sent my emotions all over the place. However...I am not going to go into detail on that haha.
I was able to talk to some close friends about how I was feeling and how I felt as though my mood and eating habits has regressed since the breakup. I was told and ensured that this was a totally expected reaction. This blog post is not about the past two weeks though, they are over and done with so there is no point dwelling on it. :)

On Tuesday, I have my assessment for the specialist eating disorder treatment. This is being done in order to see what type of treatment will work best for me. After reading about the place that I am going to and what my options could be, I have managed to scare myself to the point that I get shaky and become overwhelmed with anxiety when I think about it. There are so many things I am scared of, however my main concerns are...

  • I'm petrified that they'll turn around and say that I'm either 'not ill enough' to be treated there or send me off to an inpatient unit. Both I know are extreme and probably unlikely but there is a huge belt of anxiety that comes with these two options. 


  • I am also anxious about the assessment itself and what it will entail of. I haven't been told what to expect, and so I feel as though I have no control over the assessment at all, and I can't prepare myself for it. This is hard for me because I am quite an organised person, so I like to know what is happening. The prospect of turning up to the unknown is daunting and again, heightens my anxiety.


  • Although I have support from those around me, I really cannot talk properly about how I feel with anyone other than about three people, and all three of those people lead very busy lives and have SO much more to be worrying about. As a result of this, I feel quite lonely going into this treatment, which is so frustrating because I actually have so many people around me!

If ANYONE has ever had any experience with going to an ED assessment, I would love to hear your experiences with them. 
I apologise for yet another negative post, but I cannot be honest with how I am feeling without telling people both the good and the bad!
Daisy May xo

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