So post-ED assessment, they re-diagnosed me with Anorexia Nervosa. Part of me was really hoping that they'd tell me that Ana is all in my head (ironic because it is) and that actually I was okay and didn't need to panic myself. But, it is what it is...
After coming to terms with the re-affirmed diagnosis, I had a bit of a rough week and sunk into this deep depression, and it was scary. I've never really had 'suicidal' thoughts before, but I guess there is a first time for everything. Due to my mental state, it got to a point where I had to leave halls for a night- I wasn't coping and felt alone even though I had people around me.
I went to stay at my grandmothers' so that I could think things through. While I was there she opened up to me about her past and it turns out that she was treated for severe depression and an ED while she was 7months pregnant with my uncle. I had no idea until then, but they used to treat mental illnesses with something called an ECT, which is basically electric shocks to the brain. I haven't researched it myself, but a friend of mine did and told me that although it was abolished, it has been brought back in. Personally, I think this is crazy?! It's sooooo dangerous.
While at my grandmothers, I talked to my dad on the phone about what to do in regards to uni and my mental health. Long story short, after lots of tears and arguments (with myself!) I made the decision to suspend from university for a year so that I can focus on recovery. This will enable me to come back this time next year, with hopefully a much better state of mind.
Of course, with suspending my course comes all sorts of financial, emotional and health related issues. One of the main things that I have been super worried about it transferring my treatment up to my home town, so I decided to get the ball rolling on this so that it was one less thing to worry about. I contacted the NHS mental health team in my area and explained my situation to them; but what they replied with shocked me, although it shouldn't have. They cannot offer me treatment for my ED in my home county because THERE ISN'T ENOUGH FUNDING. The only way they could treat me is if I had a BMI of below 13 or a BMI of 15, that was dropping dramatically. I fit into neither or these categories. One thing I really hate about the treatment of ED's is that they are still assessed so heavily on a person's BMI. Someone can have a healthy BMI and still be suffering from Anorexic thoughts? And what about those people similar to me, who have a BMI below 18 but not below 15? Do we just have to wait until we're really sick in order to get treatment? It infuriates me.
So now what? I've sent an email to the next county across explaining my situation in the hope that they'll be able to do my treatment there. If this doesn't work, I'm going to have to look privately which is a complete and utter ball ache. Thankfully, although my parents can 100% not afford to pay for private health care, they are being very supportive and are quite open to the idea.
That is all folks, an update from moi!
Daisy May xo
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