It's been a few weeks since I last posted on here, and that is mostly due to the fact that I was sorting my bits out at uni and then moving back to my hometown. I GOT TO SEE MY CHICKEN'S AND THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY !!
I've been back a couple of weeks now, and to be honest things haven't been all that great. My treatment is STILL not sorted, and I feel so out of control of everything in my life right now. I have no 'schedule', there is nothing I have to do. I was trying to explain this to my friend earlier over the phone and figured the best way to explain it is as followed: When I was at uni, I knew what I had to be getting on with, whether that be uni work, or doing a shop. I actually had a schedule, I worked around my lectures and uni timetable. I knew that if I didn't go to lectures there would be direct consequences, I knew that if I didn't do a food shop, I literally would have nothing in the flat to even snack on. However, since being back in my family home, this isn't the case. Even if I set myself tasks to do for the day, I know deep down there will be no consequences for not doing those tasks, so I don't see the reason to do them. Nobody's going to 'tell me off', right? This is why I need treatment to start soon, so I have some sort of organisation in my life again.
One of the more difficult things since being back has been discussing Ana with my family and trying to get them to see where I'm coming from. The first person who approached me about it was my younger brother, who basically told me that he doesn't believe in mental health, and feels that too many people now 'have' mental health issues, that it must be made up and for attention seekers. I tried to explain to him my situation, asking him why I would have taken a year out of uni for 'attention' or why I have been seeing someone about Ana since the start of uni. He just doesn't get it, and I don't know if that is a maturity thing or not, but whatever it is, it's frustrating.
My dad (bless him), has recently been signed off work for stress, depression and anxiety, and it's the first time he has personally been affected by mental health issues, so he kind of knows when I'm not 100% which is useful, but he has no idea how to go about having a daughter with an eating disorder. For the first few days of me moving back in, my dietary habits were not discussed, which I REALLY appreciated, however, this didn't last long. My parents have the right intentions and really tried to encourage me by letting me come shopping with them, and telling them what I feel okay eating for snacks etc, I again, appreciated this and managed to pick out a few things that I feel okay with eating. Only a couple of days ago though, my dad attempted to have a discussion with me about how he and my mum can support me throughout this next year, but I honestly didn't know what to say to him, I don't know what's best and this is the issue. I can't help them help me when I can't even help me?
My dad also brought up a close relative's eating disorder and unintentionally compared my 'behaviours' to theirs; telling me how I eat a lot more than they did when they were struggling and that getting that individual to eat a potato a day was an achievement. This, unfortunately, has triggered me quite badly.
I am lucky to have lots of supportive friends up here whom I can turn to if I am feeling down, but currently leaving bed, and the house seems a challenge in the head space I'm in.
Love one another lots, give your family a hug,
Daisy May xo
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| Dave the Chicken (she's a girl) |
I've been back a couple of weeks now, and to be honest things haven't been all that great. My treatment is STILL not sorted, and I feel so out of control of everything in my life right now. I have no 'schedule', there is nothing I have to do. I was trying to explain this to my friend earlier over the phone and figured the best way to explain it is as followed: When I was at uni, I knew what I had to be getting on with, whether that be uni work, or doing a shop. I actually had a schedule, I worked around my lectures and uni timetable. I knew that if I didn't go to lectures there would be direct consequences, I knew that if I didn't do a food shop, I literally would have nothing in the flat to even snack on. However, since being back in my family home, this isn't the case. Even if I set myself tasks to do for the day, I know deep down there will be no consequences for not doing those tasks, so I don't see the reason to do them. Nobody's going to 'tell me off', right? This is why I need treatment to start soon, so I have some sort of organisation in my life again.
One of the more difficult things since being back has been discussing Ana with my family and trying to get them to see where I'm coming from. The first person who approached me about it was my younger brother, who basically told me that he doesn't believe in mental health, and feels that too many people now 'have' mental health issues, that it must be made up and for attention seekers. I tried to explain to him my situation, asking him why I would have taken a year out of uni for 'attention' or why I have been seeing someone about Ana since the start of uni. He just doesn't get it, and I don't know if that is a maturity thing or not, but whatever it is, it's frustrating.
My dad (bless him), has recently been signed off work for stress, depression and anxiety, and it's the first time he has personally been affected by mental health issues, so he kind of knows when I'm not 100% which is useful, but he has no idea how to go about having a daughter with an eating disorder. For the first few days of me moving back in, my dietary habits were not discussed, which I REALLY appreciated, however, this didn't last long. My parents have the right intentions and really tried to encourage me by letting me come shopping with them, and telling them what I feel okay eating for snacks etc, I again, appreciated this and managed to pick out a few things that I feel okay with eating. Only a couple of days ago though, my dad attempted to have a discussion with me about how he and my mum can support me throughout this next year, but I honestly didn't know what to say to him, I don't know what's best and this is the issue. I can't help them help me when I can't even help me?
My dad also brought up a close relative's eating disorder and unintentionally compared my 'behaviours' to theirs; telling me how I eat a lot more than they did when they were struggling and that getting that individual to eat a potato a day was an achievement. This, unfortunately, has triggered me quite badly.
I am lucky to have lots of supportive friends up here whom I can turn to if I am feeling down, but currently leaving bed, and the house seems a challenge in the head space I'm in.
Love one another lots, give your family a hug,
Daisy May xo
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