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The regress before the progress- an honest account

Hello, and long time, no blog!

So this is going to be a very honest account of how my life is currently going, knowing that I jet off to Cape Town in two weeks for life-changing anorexia treatment. TW: There may be mention of BMI.

Over the past 18 weeks or so I have been having weekly 'counselling' as that is all I can be offered to someone with my BMI. I liked my therapist, which was a good thing, however, I'll say it again and again, counselling is really not an effective method for someone with an eating disorder, whether that be anorexia, bulimia, PICA, orthorexia or other eating disorders. It gets you to think about your past life events that may have contributed to your eating disorder but it doesn't actually ever combat the irrational thinking from your eating disorder, or give you any ways to deal with it. So in this sense, my 18 weeks of counselling has been pretty useless to me. :(

Over the past 4 weeks or so, my anorexia has been screaming at me more than ever before on the lead up to my treatment at the start of January. My thinking is completely irrational and the 'Daisy' part of me knows that the thinking is irrational however the 'anorexia' part of me is screaming, insisting that the thoughts that are entering my mind are totally rational and that I should listen to them. Unfortunately, the anorexia voice is very strong at the minute and is kind of taking over, which I know isn't good, but to be quite frank, I'm too exhausted physically and emotionally to fight it right now, meaning that I'm currently losing my battle. (I really hope this changes soon because I need to GET BETTER).

I'm super nervous about treatment and giving over the control of my life to a complete group of strangers, however deep down I know it really is what is best for me, and I will do it, even if it takes all the strength that I have. I've been referred to the treatment centre for 11 weeks and 6 days, so it's going to be a long journey, but a necessary one. Thankfully, I have so much support from my family, my boyfriend, my friends and the online recovery community, so I'm probably a lot calmer than some people who don't feel as though anyone supports them. (which is super sad by the way, and just so you know, I support you! Email me, we can be friends?!)

That's all for now, I just wanted to update you all in case I don't get a chance to before I jet off!

Lots of love,

Daisy May xo

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