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Discharged

So, I've been discharged!!

I didn't discharge myself, they discharged me. 😃 

This is a huge step in my recovery because last time I was in community treatment, I didn't get officially discharged, so didn't complete treatment; and when I was an inpatient in Cape Town, if I had been in a better financial position, I would have had to stay an extra 2 months. So the fact that I have been formally discharged is incredible, and I am so proud of myself.

The last 8/9 months in community treatment really hasn't been easy, I didn't really like my therapist, and felt stuck a lot of the time. However, my therapist must have been doing something a little bit right because honestly, I've never felt ready to leave treatment before, but for the first time ever, I really felt like I needed to leave. 

Finishing community treatment has been a really top moment in my life and I've been so excited, but the last few days I've had feelings of being terrified, anxious, and that I'm not ready. I've had intrusive thoughts about sabotaging my recovery so that I'm not alone. I've been so fearful. However saying this, I know that it's natural to be nervous, but I also know that I am ready to do this and face the world by myself. Sabotaging my recovery would get me nowhere apart from a dark, dark place. I know what it's like to be there, and it's not fun- it could potentially keep me from getting where I want to be in life. 

I think the main issue is that Anorexia has been a huge part of my life since I was 15, so it does feel like I'm losing a part of me, and I do already feel slightly lost without it being so present. When I was still having ED therapy, it kept Anorexia as a part of me. But now I've been discharged, it really feels like I'm properly having to let go. (This of course isn't a bad thing, it's just difficult at times!).

Just because I've been discharged though, it doesn't mean that I don't need to be constantly working on my recovery. The minute I prioritise something else too much, there is always a risk that Anorexia is going to take hold. I've got to challenge myself, I'm going to have to go on meals out to new places, try new food, and eat with new people. I need to keep an eye on my exercise and make sure I don't obsess, and put things in place to stop me doing so. I've got to surround myself with lovely positive people and try not to get too caught up in other peoples stuff. Overall, I've just got to be careful. I think I can do that though! 

Come the new year, on January 8th, I'll be 2 years sober and in recovery from an active ED. This is what I need to work towards! This is exciting! This is life! 

I will continue to write on this blog as and when I need to, to support my recovery and share my wins! I've been discharged, but I'm not recovered, so there may still be tough times ahead, but the difference is that I now have the tools to deal with those potentially tough times.

Have a fab day,
Dais xo

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