Breaking up with Ana

I want to write about something that upset me initially when I heard about it but upset me even more when family members of mine supported it. That’s right, it’s the dreaded ‘Kurbo’ app by Weight Watchers/ WW. I just want to have a bit of a rant and write down all the reasons why this app is SO messed up. I understand that childhood obesity all over the world is quite high, and I completely get that this can be dangerous, however shouldn’t we be looking at the reasons behind this and trying to prevent it with healthy measures? If a child is at risk of becoming severely overweight, or is overweight, you’d like to think that their family/school/health care professionals would pick up on this and put a plan together? A child could be overweight for several reasons, not just because they are eating ‘bad foods’ or as Kurbo calls them ‘Red Foods’- which brings me to a point on traffic-lighting food. If you are teaching a child to traffic light their food and track their weight, it put...

18 months ago... Ice Cream: ... Daisy: CRIES  Ice Cream: ?? So fear foods are a thing that you have to tackle in recovery. I was lucky enough to tackle a lot of my fear foods when I was in treatment, in fact I managed to tackle 95% of them which is great! However the one food I've always been 'funny' with is ice cream. I'd always used the excuse that I just didn't like it, and over time I tricked myself and others into thinking this really was the reason I didn't ever have it. But oh how far from the truth that was. Until I tried it again properly when I was in treatment, I hadn't realised that it was actually LUSH (I keep saying lush...I can't stop...help!). In treatment I tackled shop brought ice creams, such as magnums, soleros etc. I found these hard, but I knew that the ice cream I feared most was scooped or tubbed ice cream. I got away without having it when I was away, and have only attempted having it twice since coming back fr...

So recently, myself and quite a few of my friends seem to have been suffering quite badly with anxiety. Now, although this isn't something necessarily new to me, it doesn't ever really seem to get easier. Over the years of therapy I have had, I have accumulated many anxiety relieving techniques and distress tolerance techniques. Here are a few of my favourites! Grounding 1: Say/Write down 5 things you can see... Say/Write down 4 things you can touch... Say/Write down 3 things you can hear... Say/Write down 2 things you can smell... Say/Write down 1 thing you can taste... Grounding 2: Lie down and close your eyes... Start from your feet and work your way up to your head... Tense and release each muscle in order... Recognise which parts of the body are touching the ground/bed... Soothing using your senses: Vision: Go for a walk, pay attention to the sights... Hearing: Listen to something you enjoy! Touch: Take a warm bath, or put on a cosy blanket Taste: Treat yourse...

"When everything feels like an uphill battle, just think of the view from the top" Because your life can be revolved around LIVING and not around food/eating/body image Because life is about so much more than the number of calories on your plate Because you can go out and enjoy social events with friends/family Because you’ll no longer be causing pain to other people, but even more importantly yourself Because having an eating disorder is exhausting, and you need that energy for other things Because you can sit on a chair/ on the floor without being in pain Because your hair and nails will grow super long Because people will stop making comments when you eat  Because people will stop staring  Because you’ll be treated like an adult Because you won’t be cold ALL.THE.TIME Because you’ll be able to concentrate Because you’ll be able to get through university  Because you’ll look and feel alive Because you deserve so much more ...

Cannot believe this day has finally come, but today, I have officially been in recovery for a WHOLE YEAR! It's crazy to think this this time last year, I was on a plane on my way to Cape Town for treatment of an eating disorder that had taken over my life since the age of 15. A year ago, I was super depressed (despite not wanting to admit it, and not letting  it show); underweight; all I thought about 24/7 was food- I was terrified of everything I consumed; exercise had become an addiction, and I was doing it excessively to punish myself; my self confidence was at an all time low, and I was experiencing such self doubt that I was scared to share MY opinions on things, and hid behind everyone else's; I was so manipulative, I hid things from those closest to me, and I started to believe my own lies and on top of all of that, I hated myself. All I knew was that I wanted things to change, but that I needed help, and couldn't do it alone... A year on, thing's still aren...

It's literally been an entire year since I last posted on this blog. I guess over the past year, I haven't felt that I have needed to use it in this part of my recovery, and you know what, that's okay! I thought I would try and give the quickest overview of what the past year of being in recovery has been like, and where I am now. January-March 2018 : So on January 7th, I jetted off to Cape Town, all by myself to begin what would be the start of my real recovery. I was picked up from Cape Town International Airport on the 8th of Jan by the gentleman who helped me find treatment there. I was absolutely exhausted from travelling and was terrified but also excited for the journey I was about to go on! I don't want to say too much about the treatment centre in this post, but let me tell you this, it was a GOD SEND. Everyone there was really lovely, both the other 'inpatients' and the staff. The staff especially were great and the program that they used really...

Hello, and long time, no blog! So this is going to be a very honest account of how my life is currently going, knowing that I jet off to Cape Town in two weeks for life-changing anorexia treatment. TW: There may be mention of BMI. Over the past 18 weeks or so I have been having weekly 'counselling' as that is all I can be offered to someone with my BMI. I liked my therapist, which was a good thing, however, I'll say it again and again, counselling is really not an effective method for someone with an eating disorder, whether that be anorexia, bulimia, PICA, orthorexia or other eating disorders. It gets you to think about your past life events that may have contributed to your eating disorder but it doesn't actually ever combat the irrational thinking from your eating disorder, or give you any ways to deal with it. So in this sense, my 18 weeks of counselling has been pretty useless to me. :( Over the past 4 weeks or so, my anorexia has been screaming at me more tha...