Hello Hello!
So this is a tough one for me. Initially, I made the decision to not involve people's opinions or thought processes on my own sickness and recovery period because I thought it would be too difficult. However, my beautiful mum has written a piece about what it's like to have a child with an ED and her experiences with my recovery journey. Forever grateful for the incredible support of my family. Love you mum x
"Hello, I'm Hayley, Daisy's mum.
I wanted to write a bit about what being a mother of a child with anorexia is like. Daisy started with what we thought was asthma at the age of 11 years old. She daily would come in with her hands cupped over her nose and mouth saying, “I can't breathe" Trips to the GP only resulted in giving her a Ventolin inhaler. I used to feel so helpless. It took until she was 15 years old to work out that this wasn't asthma but panic attacks.
Around that time our family broke a part and we her parents split up. Daisy seemed happy on the outside, but little did I realise, daisy was struggling with eating and self-harm. I was so caught up with other family members who were outwardly struggling, I missed all the signs of an anorexic daughter. Daisy confided in another family member who then told me what was happening to her. I felt a complete failure as a mother.
Daisy continued to have the most
horrific panic attacks and eventually she managed to get a referral to CAMHS. I
didn't ask or nag daisy about her eating habits but kept an eye on it. I didn't
think she would want me to keep asking or checking in. I thought this was what Daisy
would have wanted and I thought this was the right thing to do. How wrong I
was. To be honest I didn't know where to go for advice, there was no help for
parents. Years went on and daisy had many appointments. None of which were appropriate
for her needs and to be honest anyone's needs who have anorexia. We felt like
we were banging our heads against a wall.
When Daisy went off to university, this was a various anxious time for me. Knowing she was stressed, tired and anorexic was terrifying. When she became too sick to carry on, we insisted she came home so we could take some pressure off her and monitor and get support and treatment.
Anorexia in the family was difficult. I found that I was defending Daisy's illness and Daisy, when others would be getting so angry with her for picking at food or not eating something I had took time to cook. It was very frustrating for everyone. Once Daisy was home we sort professional help, but there was simply none. We were told, "we can help with the anxiety but not the eating disorder” or "we can help with depression, but not the eating" or her BMI is not lower enough yet. What?? How sick does she need to be? You don't say to someone with a diagnosis of stage one cancer to come back when they are at stage four. Unbelievable!
Well we paid £150 to see a psychologist and asked him what we should do. He advised us to seek private residential treatment. We felt useless, I felt useless. Mothers are meant to meet the needs of their children and I couldn't. My heart was broken, because someone who I perfectly made didn't feel that she was perfect. This made me feel that I failed in the one thing I was made to do as a mother.
Eventually Daisy found a centre in South Africa. It was far cheaper than the
equivalent in the UK and the programme looked really good. We took ourselves to
the bank and took out s £13000 loan. Every sacrifice we have made would be
worth it if they could fix my broken child. What a blow to me when they told me
that Daisy would always have anorexia. It took a while to get my head around
that although she would always have it, she could live a strong healthy life
with the retraining of her brain.
Daisy is super strong and is always campaigning for early intervention, support and awareness. I am really proud of her and all she has achieved under difficult circumstances. I hope her blogs give others who suffer from anorexia and their families hope of a brighter future."
So this is a tough one for me. Initially, I made the decision to not involve people's opinions or thought processes on my own sickness and recovery period because I thought it would be too difficult. However, my beautiful mum has written a piece about what it's like to have a child with an ED and her experiences with my recovery journey. Forever grateful for the incredible support of my family. Love you mum x
"Hello, I'm Hayley, Daisy's mum.
I wanted to write a bit about what being a mother of a child with anorexia is like. Daisy started with what we thought was asthma at the age of 11 years old. She daily would come in with her hands cupped over her nose and mouth saying, “I can't breathe" Trips to the GP only resulted in giving her a Ventolin inhaler. I used to feel so helpless. It took until she was 15 years old to work out that this wasn't asthma but panic attacks.
Around that time our family broke a part and we her parents split up. Daisy seemed happy on the outside, but little did I realise, daisy was struggling with eating and self-harm. I was so caught up with other family members who were outwardly struggling, I missed all the signs of an anorexic daughter. Daisy confided in another family member who then told me what was happening to her. I felt a complete failure as a mother.
Daisy continued to have the most
horrific panic attacks and eventually she managed to get a referral to CAMHS. I
didn't ask or nag daisy about her eating habits but kept an eye on it. I didn't
think she would want me to keep asking or checking in. I thought this was what Daisy
would have wanted and I thought this was the right thing to do. How wrong I
was. To be honest I didn't know where to go for advice, there was no help for
parents. Years went on and daisy had many appointments. None of which were appropriate
for her needs and to be honest anyone's needs who have anorexia. We felt like
we were banging our heads against a wall. When Daisy went off to university, this was a various anxious time for me. Knowing she was stressed, tired and anorexic was terrifying. When she became too sick to carry on, we insisted she came home so we could take some pressure off her and monitor and get support and treatment.
Anorexia in the family was difficult. I found that I was defending Daisy's illness and Daisy, when others would be getting so angry with her for picking at food or not eating something I had took time to cook. It was very frustrating for everyone. Once Daisy was home we sort professional help, but there was simply none. We were told, "we can help with the anxiety but not the eating disorder” or "we can help with depression, but not the eating" or her BMI is not lower enough yet. What?? How sick does she need to be? You don't say to someone with a diagnosis of stage one cancer to come back when they are at stage four. Unbelievable!
Well we paid £150 to see a psychologist and asked him what we should do. He advised us to seek private residential treatment. We felt useless, I felt useless. Mothers are meant to meet the needs of their children and I couldn't. My heart was broken, because someone who I perfectly made didn't feel that she was perfect. This made me feel that I failed in the one thing I was made to do as a mother.
Daisy is super strong and is always campaigning for early intervention, support and awareness. I am really proud of her and all she has achieved under difficult circumstances. I hope her blogs give others who suffer from anorexia and their families hope of a brighter future."
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